Old Dogs

NO STANDING ORDER


probably most
of the male gender
will choose
to dismiss me
as a girly man
a queerbait
a limpwrist
a pansy
and/or
a fag

I don't care
because what
I have to say
is the truth
and nothing
but

having cleaned
quite a few crappers
while in the service
I know
for an absolute fact
that wiping up
stray urine
haphazardly splashed
about the fixture
floor
and walls
is fairly
disgusting work
and causes me
to question the mentality
of pissing into a toilet
from an upright
position
only to miss
a wide open
target

urinals
are designed
for such manly
rigid relief maneuvers
and it makes perfect sense
to be on two feet
while using them

toilets
however
are unwilling receptacles
from a distance
and cry out
to be sat upon
while in performance
of the urinating
function

sit down
you filthy fuckers
take a load off
make your wives
sisters
mothers
girlfriends
and significant others
a happier bunch
and the bathroom safe
for barefoot
travel

yes
I sit down
when I pee
but I also dribble
the last of it
in my pants
when finished
which hopefully salvages
at least some portion
of my diminished
manhood

I've got
a floor
to clean