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Poemdog

Dogs 2017

OPEN LETTER
(12/10/17)

dear all

I have nothing
more to give you
than simply
these words

there is life
on the other side
of alcoholism

I am
a witness

for 25 years
I lived only
for the next
drink

to the exclusion
of everything else

morals

security

freedom

employment

relationships

I needed
just alcohol

nothing else
really mattered

I could
imagine
no other life
for myself

I saw others
leading
normal lives

many seemingly
not as content
as me
with my bottle

with
my glass

but they never
crossed that line

they were somehow
spared
the suffering
of my malady

I tried AA

but their meetings
only made me
thirstier

I tried treatment

but the lives
they were pointing me
toward
seemed bland

lifeless

there seemed
no answer

I actually
stopped drinking
for two years

two months

13 days
on my own

but they
were miserable
days

I felt
alienated

hunted

adrift
upon a planet
that was not
my own

so much
easier
to give in
to my addiction

the bad
drinking times
were awful

the hangovers
worse

but the bliss
of oblivion
continued
to call

that comfort
of perverted
peace

isolation
from social
concerns

then

one day

with a felony
DUI
hanging over
me

a mother
dying of cancer

I stepped
through the doors
of AA
again

the words
seemed different

the people
not as pathetic

and with that
the obsession
to drink
was lifted
from me

the magic
of surrender
manifested

the same
circumstances
would probably
not work
for anyone
else

but I
was ready

the craving
was gone
by grace

the craziness
however
remained

that is why
I remained
to work
the steps

to work
the program

that labor
cleared the way
for a spiritual
awakening

a foundation
that remains
as long as I
do what is needed
to keep it sound

and with
that
I will not drink
today

that is all
I have
to say

other
than to encourage
your continual
persistence
for sobriety

you may not
be ready now

but who
is to say
that tomorrow
will not be
different?

that tomorrow
your affliction
may be arrested?

instead
of you

leaving only
a triggering
insanity
to linger

but help
is there
if you
ask