Dogs 2014

A DIFFERENT ME
(12/21/14)


I am
what I do

I am
what I say

how could I
be
anyone else?

yet
you were continually
disappointed
by my actions

by my words

you said
that you loved
me

but the me
whom you adored
was a fanciful
construct

an amalgamation
of all
the desired qualities
that you sought
in a man

in a lover

in a friend

you loved
that image
in your
head

you hardly
knew
the actual me
at all

except
in those rare
occurrences
when I conveyed
a genuine thought
or feeling
that agreed
with your picture
of that perfect
person

then
there'd be
a flicker
of recognition

but your continual
disillusionment
drove you to synthesize
a new fantasy
of me

the sum
of your negative
impressions
of my shortcomings

as I was once
compared
to the ideal

you then
only considered
the growing gulf
between
your two
flawed concepts
of me

you saw only
the imagined
extremes

you stopped
seeing me
entirely

how
could I address

how
could I improve

either
impossible notion
once you removed
the real me
from consideration?

now
that you're gone
I have no idea
which memory
you hold

probably
some confused
consolidation
of portions
from each
distorted version

the real
me
remains
unknown to you

I think
that you might
have really
liked me

if
we would
have
ever met