Dogs 2013

ANOTHER DULLED TOOL
(9/26/13)


as
a teenager
and young adult
I enjoyed
poking holes
through everyone
else's
routine realities

I would
say
that society
had so little
of real value
to offer
a truly
searching
individual

what
do you know?

they
would challenged

what
have you done?

their questions
caused me
to doubt
my assertions

so I studied
I travelled
I debauched
I repented
I relented
I applied
I settled
I married
I surrendered

all because
those
apparently wiser
than me
had suggested
so

those
decades
of deceit

that
pretence
of normalcy

have gained
me nothing

I am still
that 14 year old
wondering why
things are
the way
they are

in the
Middle Ages
parents
would've sent
a thin
weak
pasty complected
son
to a monastery
and been
done
with it

visit him
only
on the High
Holy Days
and concentrate
more
on the healthy
children
with common
sense

the boy
would've been
better off

instead
they sent
me
to school
and told me
to play
nice

keep
my mouth
shut

parrot
the lies
that would
allow me
to blend in

I learned
so well

I learned
to the extent
that today
I am simply
a puppet
jerked about
by citizenry's
strings

I no longer
have the energy
physically
mentally
or spiritually
for rebellion

another
birthday approaches
which I once
thought
would never
arrive

a neutered
ne'er-do-well
in his
mid 50s

they
have won

for today

but soon
the leaves
will fall

the green
will wilt
to brown

and in
the death
of Winter
I shall find
that one last
fine edge
of Life
thought lost

fuck
them all

I am
not
dead yet