Dogs 2012

MIDLIFE STATIS
(2/4/12)


it's
a comfort
now
to have survived
the total insanity
of my twenties
and thirties
as well as
the total
transformation
of my forties

I really
don't feel
that I've missed
out
on much

at 40
I was a lonely
drunk
living
in a mobile home
anchored in a low rent
trailer park
when not
in jail

at 50
I was a married
sober homeowner
living in
a most pleasant
neighborhood

at 52
I still
am

except
for the sometime
visible tattoos
and occasional
hard rock
leaking
through open
windows
my neighbors
would never suspect
my sordid
past

they smile
when they see
me

there wasn't
much smiling
before

I've learned
for the most part
to calmly exist
beneath
this canopy
of overwhelming
reality
with rarely
a concern

I'm in
the office
on Saturday mornings
instead of nursing
hangovers
with warm beer
and Valium

I see
the crises
in the lives
of people
my own age
and feel lucky
that the decades
of preceding torment
have granted me
some serenity
today

I still wonder
though
what I would do
if one of them
pulled to the curb
with a cold case of beer
anarchistic notions
and a wide opened
passenger door

madness
road trip
and beverages
beckoning

my favorite
addictions

I would like
to think that
I could shake
my head
turn my back
and return
to my wonderful
life

but
the black
in my brain
smiles and whispers
that it will
never
be
a sure thing