Dogs 2012

LAST ACT
(3/22/12)


hovering
above me
like a closing
curtain
this shroud
of disassociation
waits to fall
at my slightest
lapse
of concentration

some
years ago
clothing
myself with
that garment
of misanthropy
was the primary element
of my insulative
insanity

I mostly
forget
that other me
during these days
of quiet acceptance
as I run about
playing the part
of a fully
functional
adult

now
and again
a shadow
will pass
across my face
on an otherwise
clear
bright
day

a quick frown
of confusion
usually
the only outward
manifestation
as I am
reminded
that my madness
like a costume
in the wardrobe
is so close
at hand

but
every once
in awhile
self remembrance
will return
and I'll reach
as if to pull
that veil
of vacancy
in front
of me
to separate
myself
once again
from all the
personal
and institutional
audiences
that plague
me

it's
that easy
to simply
disappear

the thought
gives me
just enough
comfort
to keep me
from actually
dropping
my lines
again

I wonder
if any
of them
realize
their tenuous
connections
to me

they
do not know
that I maintain
those ties
with the utmost
of effort

when
I do
finally
fade out
it will not
be due
to some
tragic
self induced
breakdown
as my tattered
scripts
would read

I shall
simply
exhaust
my ability
to keep the darkness
from descending
to remove
me
from
them

they
will reach
out
to touch me
but their fingers
will fall short
of my
awareness

this time
no amount
of applause
will return me
to the stage