Dogs 2012

CAME TO BELIEVE
(11/8/12)


admitting
alcoholism

addiction

was easy

the difficult
part
of recovery
was admitting
the insanity

I considered
myself
a preternaturally sane
individual
who simply
enjoyed

much
too much
most times

to drink
and drug

when I finally
realized
that my actions
for decades
drunk or dry
were in fact
dipshit deranged
the true
ego deflation
began

now
I have
a life
based upon
principles
of sobriety
and sanity

I seem normal

but removing
the madness
absolutely
is like trying
to completely clean
a peanut butter
jar
with a kitchen
knife

and
it causes
a different
type
of anomaly

a questioning
of all
that society
deems
acceptable

is it me
or
is it us?

the process
causes pain
in my brain

so I still
like to stick
a searching finger
into the remaining
peanuttiness
at times
to have
just a slight
taste

it's
my comfort
food
and keeps
a smile
upon my
face

and keeps
me
from becoming
a far worse
human being
than all the booze
and narcotics
in the world
could have
created
on their own