Dogs 2011

THAT NEXT DRINK
(11/18/11)


over
11 years
sober
I still
have dreams
of drink

I have
found myself
in the back
of a squad
cars
wondering
how the hell
I could have
gotten arrested
again
after all
these years

I have
found myself
stumbling
and slurring
trying to understand
what could have
led
to this
reborn
debauchery

I have
found myself
pissing
in the front yard
looking up
at a night sky
not sure
if I could start
sobriety
all over
again

upon waking
a few seconds
usually pass
before I realize
that my dread
was only
the result
of some
Morphean
malfunction

last night
I dreamed
that my wife
had taken me
to the airport
to say
a final
goodbye

I had
no idea
where
I was going
but carried
a packed bag
and watched
as she walked away
through the terminal
crowd

cold
sleep sober
I decided
that I might
as well
have a beer
since nothing
really mattered
any more

that
was a
first

strange

I awoke
next
to my wife
looked at the clock
took a deep
breath
and realized
again
what
was really
important

no
more
flying