A Poemdog

Dogs 2011

SHITLESS
(8/19/11)


I hadn't
felt right
right
all week

bound up
you know

all I could do
was poop
a few
milk duds
now
and again

by Friday
night
I had had
enough

I popped
a laxative
leftover
from my colonoscopy
encounter

the next
day
at work
I had some
moderate
success
but certainly
nothing
to celebrate

I decided
that I needed
a pot of coffee
to really
press the process
moving

after
my third
large cup
I began
to feel
a rumbling

finally

some action

I had
a transaction
in front
of me
so thought
that I would
finish it
then take a trip
to the restroom

but
as I was
entering
some credit card
info

I sensed

something

presumably
a fart

my inexperience
with laxatives
became horribly
evident
as gas
forcibly
turned to liquid
and I began
filling
my boxers

I was grateful
that it was
Saturday
and that I
was the only one
stupid enough
to be
in the office
as I crab walked
down the hall
trying to contain
the stinky mess
in my pants

later
as I walked
boxerless
beneath
jaded jeans
out to the dumpster
with a shopping bagful
of soiled
shorts
paper towels
and toilet paper
I had to admit
that I felt
much better

explaining
to my wife why
I was coming home
commando
wouldn't feel
quite
as good