A Poemdog

Dogs 2011

FULL TERM ABORTION
(10/20/11)


30 seconds
of abdominal
palpitation
and the doc
says

"no surgery
needed

just give
it time
to heal"

that
was months
ago

now
I carry
this distress
around
like a stone
imbedded
in an intestinal
womb

at worst
it burns
bordering
on pain
but thankfully
diminishes
as I lay
me down
to sleep

at best
it is a worrisome
abnormal gnawing
a burden
for my body
and brain

I think
of two grandparents
and my mother
all dying
relatively early
from cancer

I think
of diet
exercise
environment
looking for suspects
at every
turn

I think
of poisoning
by my wife
for the family
fortune

OK
our 4 digit
"portfolio"
is probably not
worth
the risk

I have
made peace
with this presence
over these
many months

it is
a reminder
of mortality
and time
racing ahead
regardless
of my
feelings

I shall
wait
and see

it will
either cripple
or kill
me
or finally
just disappear

it is
at least
an interesting
diversion
from the
everyday

a new
hobby
to attach
my attention
away
from the other
of life's
many
insanities

it is
my baby
and I shall
carry it
completely
toward
one conclusion
or the other

am I
showing
yet?