Dogs 2010

SIDEWALK FLASHBACK
(5/24/10)


I needed
some work done
on the truck
so drove it
to a neighborhood garage
then hoofed my way back
the 8 blocks or so
to our house
to get some
yard work
done

I've spent
so much time
walking in this city
either for exercise
or for a primary
means
of transportation
(at the request
of the State)
that it seems
the most natural
mode
of travel

my worst years
of sickness
and the best
of recovery
have been spent
in Tulsa
and means
of conveyance
has usually been
a relative reflection
of my current
condition

a few hours
later
ambling along
the nearest
main boulevard
to pick up
my pickup
I see a car slowing
as it approaches me
in an eastbound
lane

a woman
is driving by
and peering intently
in my direction

a freak
again
I try not to pay
too much
attention
but as she approaches
the nearest point
I see
that she's
my first ex-girlfriend
in this city
from 18
years ago

one of many
here
but she
was the first
and until my wife
the most serious

she dumped me
due to drinking
and a serious lack
of motivation
to either work
or marry

too late
to register
any reaction
I simply turn
back ahead
and do not acknowledge
her blank stare

a pedestrian
again
in the rattiest
of my yard
clothes
she probably assumes
the worst

scrabbling
for some coin
to buy
another beer
with no worry
of the consequence
or the
future

I smile
as I approach
the repair shop
knowing
that I'm
at the highest point
socially
if not spiritually
of my entire
adult life
and she will
never know

I pull
a shiny
credit card
out of a dusty wallet
to pay the
bill

I wear
my disguise
well