Dogs 2007

SUICIDAL DELIBERATIONS
(1/12/07)


he watched
the flow
run thickly
down his thin arm
neither diffusing
right nor left
but keeping
a semi-tubular form
as if remembering
its previous home
in a vein

it was beautiful
really
the bright red
on his
pale skin
trailing off finally
to his fingers
before dripping
into the
toilet

even there
the drops
met the surface
and blossomed pink
spreading to meet
the porcelain
caked
with rust
and lime
turning the bowl
into an impressionistic
presentation
of filth
and bodily
fluids

he was amazed
at how quickly
the blood left
his weakening body
once the bandage
was removed

he probably
wouldn't last
very long
standing
at this rate
and would need
to sit
on the edge
of the tub
to keep
from falling
over

he was
very concerned
with keeping the mess
contained
to the one
receptacle

although
he was not
worried about
his diminishing mortality
he did ponder
the shape of his soul
and the eternal consequences
that he might
have to face
but of course
he hadn't created
the opening
the plasma clinic
was responsible
for that
so
it was
actually
more like
a homicide
wasn't it?

wait
a minute
couldn't he
just as easily rationalize
purposely walking into traffic
then calling the unlucky driver
of the colliding vehicle
a murderer?

that
didn't sound
quite right
either

this
was tricky
truly too much
thought required
to simply escape
his meager existence
he hadn't
adequately prepared
for this fortuitous
turn of events
having none
of the philosophical sureties
necessary to carry
such an extreme act
to its illogical
conclusion

he picked up
the length
of adhesive tape
from the top
of the toilet tank
then centered
the cotton ball
stuck at the midpoint
with his wound
and reapplied
the bandage
to his arm

he still had
the twenty five dollar
payoff from the clinic
enough to last
until the next
paycheck
from his dish
washing gig

death
could wait
until the situation
became a bit
more desperate
and the reasoning
a bit more
definite

maybe tomorrow