Dogs 2007

MONOLOGUE
(9/10/07)


I tried

I really tried

I sobered up
straightened up
tried to mix
with my fellow man
and woman

tried to
become
another one
of society's cogs
instead of relying
upon the avoidance
and isolation
of my past

"fake it
until you
make it"

they told me

isn't
that great?

they wanted me
to start my new life
lying to myself

lying
with a smile

saying
and doing things
in which I
did
not
believe
and making them
important
to me

from the insanity
of drink
to the madness
of the mundane

my face hurts
from seven years
of smiling

I am not
alright

I do not
understand

I shall never
view
their altered aspirations
with anything
but contempt

I still need
to rip the mask
off the fucking sun
to see what burns
beneath

it must be
a chaotic cauldron
of naked truth
in which I wish
to take
a swim

please
burn away
the deceit
of my skin
and organs

strip
my bones clean
shine them in
that fact furnace
until they finally glow
with the light
of reality

then
cast me out
into the vast
vacuum of space
to cool toward
the absolute
zero
of nothingness

in frozen solitude
I shall find
my recovery
and smile only
one
more
time

for death