Dogs 2007

LOVER
(10/24/07)


you've been
with me
for three
three and half
years now

longer
than any
woman

a hairy
many-clawed spider
stuck firmly
between neck
and left shoulder
sucking away
at my soul
through
the upper
back

I've tried
most everything
to end
our relationship

yoga
anger
denial
weights
massage
stretching
meditation
medication
chiropractic
acupuncture
disassociation
but nothing
can separate us
we seem married
in slow burn

years ago
there was
a numbness there
and in my ignorance
I prayed for pain
thinking that
feeling something
was better
than feeling
nothing

now
I am never
alone
yet there is
no room left
in your totality
for another
to enter

I am
dominated
by your presence
and humbled
by your
persistence

suddenly
I realize
that there has never
been a greater enemy
to my well being
than my own
bent will

you have distracted
my self destructive nature
knowing full well
that what
destroys me
destroys you
as well

initially
the distress
deepens
but it is a malady
that foretells
greater strength
assuming
survival

the hurt
turns
good

I am not cured
but there are times now
when I exist
in complete
solitude
and I can breathe
again

I breathe
as if gulping
the first air
after
a near drowning

my eyes open

it is Fall
and all
is dying
as I come
alive

I smile
at your
death

and at
my own
diminishing
mortality