Dogs 2007

HANGING OUT
(4/22/07)


what had started
as a gentle slip
into eternity
has degenerated
into a stupid
sideshow
replete
with audience
both live
and across
network
cable
and satellite
feeds

I knew
that 12 stories
would do
the trick
but opted
to lower myself
from the ledge
instead of leaping
headlong
into the abyss

I have
never been
a leaper
anyway
preferring
the atrophy
of indecision
to slowly erode
my tenuous hold
on sanity
and life

eventually
my fingers
hands
and arms
would tire
allowing me
to gently ease
into a more
permanent
state of rest

but somehow
I've been noticed
and now spotlights
illuminate from below
and flashlights
shine from above

how
in the hell
did they arrive
so quickly?

I've been
hanging here
for only a few minutes
or so
knowing
from practice
at the gym chin-up bar
that five minutes
would be the
upper limit
of my
endurance

now
embarrassment
locks my fingers
to the concrete
arms long since
too exhausted
to pull myself
back up

what a
fuck-up
I was

finally
the window opens
just below me
and I can feel
a harness
of some sort
being wrapped
around my ankles

hands
from above
reach down
to loop a nylon line
around my wrists
and looking up
I can just see
the look of disgust
in the eyes
of my rescuer

how
was I going
to explain this
to my wife
my kids
my parents
my boss
my coworkers
my neighbors?

I had talked
to them all
that day
and I'm sure
that none of them
suspected
the sickness
behind these
tired
blue eyes

now
they would
always wonder
at any hesitation
miscalculation
or irritation
on my part
if hospitalization
was once again
indicated

my credibility
was shot
along
with my
confidence

I allow myself
to be lowered
and pulled into
the waiting arms
of my
soon to be
keepers

perhaps
with the proper
responses
I would remain
in their care
for quite
some time

let someone else
worry about
the bills
the lawn
the taxes
the schools
the shareholders
the board meetings
the bored meetings
and sexual fulfillment
in the 21st century

therapy
television
tranquilizers
and arts and crafts
were probably
in my immediate
interminable
future

I hope
that Dolores
will remember
to walk the dog
every evening

otherwise
he tends
to be
a bit
manic