Dogs 2007

HALF LIFE
(10/9/07)


there were
two of us
when
she died
at 65
with full retirement
from a major
oil company

my sister
mother of two
married
(to a stockbroker)
beautiful
and unbent
by life

me
five time
DUI loser
alcoholic felon
just six months earlier
checked into treatment
and subsequent custody
of a twelve step
program

the inheritance
merely added
to my sister's
already extensive
portfolio
watched over
by my brother
in law

I
however
withdrew
as much as possible
from my mom's investments
letting the sum sit
in my bank account
while I pondered
my options

all
the possibilities
passed through
my formerly drunken
dysfunctional reasoning
fast car
drink
travel
drink
women
drink
drink
drink
prison
insanity
and/or death

six months
in the program
had already shown me
that I was not
the first genius
with such delusions
of illusionary
freedoms

so

some went
to settle
my long list
of debts

some went
as a down payment
on a house
in a neighborhood
that my mother
would have
loved

and the rest
went back
to Mom's broker
to be invested
in an IRA
and other such
sensible
options

my family
was pleased
and
relieved
to say
the least

amazed
may have been
the most
appropriate
term

I know
that Mom
would have been
happy
with my
choices

but as I travel
through the daily
routine
of
work
home
eat
sleep
there is not
one setting sun
that does not trigger
the vision
of sipping rum
on some South Pacific beach
a scantily clad woman
by my side
even if only
for a day

I guess
that we all
need our
unrealized dreams
just to survive
the reality