Dogs 2007

BANK BUMRUSH
(9/9/07)


I was out
of cash
going in
to a long weekend
so planned
a Saturday morning stop
at drive-through banking
before heading
to work

I was broke
due to a
last minute withdrawal
by an ex-girlfriend
at her favorite
financial
institution

me

it had been
a few years
and I had forgotten
what a circus
of Friday night freaks
that a Saturday morning
banking experience
could be

I had usually
been one
of those freaks

even though
I was there
at the 9am
opening
the vehicles
were at least
three deep
in every one
of the eight
slots

I got lucky
and grabbed
the first line
diminishing
to two

a motorcycle
in front
and a shiny Lincoln
rental job
were all
between me
and my
money

motorcycle guy
was prepared
efficient
and out of there
in one minute

now
Mr. Lincoln
pulled up slowly
jumbling papers
about his tousled
graying hair
as he guided
the long ride
forward

the automatic window
glided down
and a short
stubby arm
reached out
but was a few
inches short

this
was going to take
a while

finally
he opened the door
but the barrier posts
kept him from opening
very far

eventually
through a combination
of window height
and door swing
he was able
to reach
the cannister
and pull it back
in with him

I watched him
cramming more paper
into the plastic container
than could be advisable
so early
in the weekend

load secured
he rode the door
out to the receptacle
slid his parchment bomb
into the receiver
and pushed
the send button

perhaps
he was purchasing
some property
in Mozambique
or another such
complicated transaction

I saw
behind
the bullet-proof glass
only three tellers
for the eight lanes
and realized
that the math
was fairly simple

I turned off
the motor
and waited

to one side
of me
was a beat-up
economy car
windows wide
music blaring
smoke from
the two occupants
and the exhaust
surrounding them
in an enveloping haze
of polluting
emanations

long hair
scruffy beards
still drunk or high
from the night
before
ready
to go at it
again that day

to the other side
was an elegant
young woman
in a
much too large
SUV
tightly sealed
from disturbing
outside influences
well-tended
hairdo
ruffling
in the artificial
AC breeze

she appeared
to have important business
to conduct

the speaker ahead
came on
and squawking interrogatives
were directed
at the squat
driver

he was not
happy

he banged
on the steering wheel
and suddenly
I saw a woman's head
come out from behind
the passenger-side
headrest
grab one
of his thick wrists
and say something
to her companion

she seemed
quite younger
but from her gruff manner
I determined
not a daughter

rental car
old man
from out of town
young woman

hooker?

he yelled
at her
yelled back
at the contraption
then all
was silent

I looked up
to the tellers
and saw one woman
leaning back
with a handful
of papers
asking something
of the man
two seats down

now two of them
were dealing
with one customer
as the third
dashed
up and down
the row of receivers
pulling cannisters
handling the rest

as they conferred
the car to the right
the car to the left
both pulled ahead
their opportunities
a bit
more timely

the
fat man's cannister
was back carside
and the sliding circus
of retrieval
began again

out and back
he then began
ripping the papers
from the container
tossing them about
the interior
then hoping
for a lucky toss
I guess
as he threw the cannister
at the housing
and watched it
as I did
bounce off the side
fall to the pavement
and roll under
his car

he slumped
forward
resting his head
on the wheel

madness

honking
or yelling
at that point
would have done
no good

gratefully
the passenger side opened
and I saw one long
hosed leg
emerge
the slit
of a short skirt
then the other leg
as she maneuvered
her hips
and breasts
through the narrow opening
allowed
by the confining
nature
of the surroundings

the longhairs
froze
in mid-laugh
watching the show
as she slowing walked around
the trunk
to the driver's side
then bent over
with barely a bend
of knee
reached under the car
and retrieved
the container

all I could do
was watch
all that
barely covered
ass
just sticking
up there
for consideration

she turned her head
before straightening
looking back at me
and I held up my hands
quietly clapping
as she smiled
then raised again
to place the cannister
in the waiting
opening

I would have tipped her
if I would have had
any money

back to her door
and she was gone
with much wriggling
and twisting
to reposition
her ample parts

the Lincoln
pulled away
I started back up
drove forward
and fifteen minutes
after my arrival
I was finally
sending my paper
inside
to be exchanged
for the other

I was
almost gone

the dudes' business
had landed
back in their laps
and now it was their turn
to be unhappy

apparently
they didn't have
the required identification
to complete
their transaction

an argument
ensued

nobody
on the outside
ever wins
those discussions
with the ones
within

after threatening to take
their future business
elsewhere
they chugged away
in a cloud
of noxious
fumes

one customer closer
I thought

Miss SUV
apparently figured
that she had waited
long enough
and laid on the horn
for a about
10 seconds

10 long
seconds

her fellow customers
all suffered
for her impatience
but the tellers
were quite insulated
from the worst
of her efforts

still
they all stopped
and looked up
slowing any progress
that much further

finally
the pneumatic device
began hissing
outside my window
and my money
magically appeared

ready
I made the transfer
in about five seconds
flat
but had to pause
to allow
the SUV
to screech out
of the lot
ahead of me

back
on the boulevard
I took my first breath
in about
20 minutes

next time
I'd write
the ex
a check