Dogs 2007

A MEETING OF THE GRINDS
(6/5/07)


the last
big fight
had been
a week ago
and yesterday
was the first
meeting
since

emotions exhausted
we looked
at each other
from across
the table
silent
and resigned

really
it's simple
I told her

I'm not
in love with you
but you want me
to behave
as if
I am

you
will always
be disappointed
by my lack
of empathy
and I
will always
be frustrated
with you incessant
needs

it's best
for us both
if we just stop
seeing each other
and get on
with our lives

she looked
at me
then away
then smiled

you're right
she said
I'm wasting my time
waiting for you
to fall in love
with me again

you seem
to get further
from that point
than closer
as the days
go by

I do
need
to move on

we parted
with a hug
and that
as they say
was that

today
is beautiful

another day
at the office
sure
but once finished
with no other plans
it's home
to work out
then walk
four miles
then back
to the house
to stretch for awhile
windows and doors
open wide
letting in
the fresh air
Rammstein reverberating
throughout
the rooms
mixing
with it all

the physical
release complete
I slide into the shower
lather up
and rinse off
feeling so alive
as if
I'll never
die

as I
pull back
the curtain
and grab for a towel
I see her there
framed in the doorway
wondering where
she got
the gun
that shakes
in her hand

the first shot
hits my right thigh
forcing my lower half back
as my upper body
pitches forward
flipping me out
onto the bathroom floor
in front
of the toilet

damn
it burns
like having
a soldering iron
stuck into
my leg

over
the initial shock
still almost deaf
from the blast
in such
a small room
I roll on my shoulder
and look up
at her

crying

collapsing

"come on
darling
let's talk about this
nothing's so bad
that we can't
still
work it out"

"SHUT UP!!!
SHUT UP!!!
I don't want
to hear any more
of your
fucking mouth!"

she lowers
the pistol
to my face
and before
I can twist
my head away
everything
flashes white
then black
silence
covers me
like a shroud

I don't think
that I'm dead
since I'm still
thinking
about it
at all

slowly
the vacuum
begins to fill
with ringing ears
brightening eyes
and a nose full
of burning
blood

and pain

my thoughts
work their way
through the maze
of pain
trying to regain
some grasp
upon the world

I attempt
to speak
but I am only
forcing liquid
from my throat
and as I
refocus my vision
I see blood
and teeth
on the tiles
around me

I want
to move my head
but the signal
doesn't seem
to reach
my neck

I now
hear her sobbing
as if
she's suffocating
on her tears
and wonder
what will
happen
now

Rammstein
finishes
on the CD changer
and I think
that Slayer
should be
up next