Dogs 2006

NOT IN THIS LIFETIME
(12/30/06)


I watched
castrated
and bleeding
as you walked
away
knowing that
the pain
mutilation
and scarring
would forever
remain
to mock
my failure

our past
was beyond burying
already too deep
to imagine
like darkened roots
sprouting steel spikes
up through
an empty soul
to puncture
my heart

I would
have never guessed
that it could get
so fucking bad
that all
I'd have left
to hold of you
would be
the continual hurt
of your wholesale
departure

I did not
show you
what you so
desperately
needed to know
but my love for you
was always there
albeit
horribly garbled
in my dialect
of detachment

I fall asleep
each night
hoping for happy
visions of you
but am inundated
with nightmares
of your absence
gnarled and twisted
apparitions of loss
torment my dreams
taking away
even the fantasy
of hope

I cannot
return the calendar
to more
opportune times
in our history
but I can mark
the ledger of today
with my love
for you
and
my death

finally
I shall have
all the oysters
that I can
eat