Dogs 2006

COMMIT ME
(9/27/06)


it's all
so damn bad
and what's worse
is me smiling
and nodding
for the sake
of belonging
as if I were
really enjoying
this daily melodrama
of modern
life

not a moron
I understand
their rules
and fake it
the best I can
attempting to act my role
in every vile vignette
placed before me
at work
in public
over the phone
in my neighborhood
when actually
my soul cries out
to say a simple
"fuck you"
in response
to almost every
query and comment
pointed
my way

I can feel
the almost audible
clicks in my brain
as reality begins to break
through the barriers of bullshit
that have been building so long
from the intrusion of society
into my sporadically serene
solitude

just because
I'm living
in the lie
doesn't necessarily mean
that I have to be
an accessory
to it all

a coward
I still worry
a bit
about what will become of me
if I give in to the impulse
to let everyone know
exactly what
I think
when
I think it

but
in my late forties
there's so much less
to worry about losing
that I could almost
alleviate the anxiety
by accepting that
the best of my years
will not be confined
in whatever institution
my peers choose
to place me

fuck their
nuthouses
anyway