Dogs 2006

ALONE
(7/22/06)


it started
in childhood
an aversion to even
the smallest groups
of people

I seemed
to be ever shifting
my little feet
and scampering
endlessly
to avoid
the crowd

in school
I stayed away
from the established
clubs and cliques
choosing instead
to patrol the perimeter
with the other
less than
fashionable
students

then
I discovered
alcohol
The Great Isolator
and even when
I was in
the midst of them
I still felt
marvelously
apart

two
and a half
drooling decades
increased my distance
from the everyday hoard
actions and ideas
deepening
and widening
the moat of perception
between the commonplace
and my own convoluted
castle of
concern

today
I'm sober
but the phone
hardly rings
save for telemarketers
a couple cards a year
appear in the mailbox
with the bills and junk mail
and maybe an occasional
email or two
intermingled with
the ever-present spam
to remind me that
I am actually
connected
to anyone
at all

I'm not
even sure
if the doorbell works
it's been so long
since someone
has pressed
the button

damn
I have
finally
arrived
a planet of one
as I had always hoped
where nothing
surpasses
the sweet silent
crystalline clarification
of self

but
strangely
all of my problems
still
are not
solved

you
do not want
to be around me
unless I am
alone

so get out

now